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The Growing Role of AI in Online Dating
Artificial intelligence (AI) has become a significant part of daily life, from helping users draft business emails with tools like ChatGPT to generating images for birthday cards using platforms such as Midjourney. Now, this technology is making its way into the world of online dating, influencing both behind-the-scenes operations and direct user interactions.
Recent research conducted by Bitkom, an industry association in Germany, highlights how AI is being integrated into dating platforms. The survey, which included 1,006 individuals aged 16 and over, found that 19% of dating platform users have used AI-generated texts to help them phrase messages in chats. Similarly, 18% have used AI to create or improve images for their dating profiles. These figures show a growing trend of leveraging AI to enhance online dating experiences.
Blurring the Lines of Authenticity
Psychologist Stella Schultner warns that the use of AI in dating can complicate the search for genuine connections. “We are looking for someone who is authentic and loves us for who we are,” she says. However, AI allows users to craft an idealized version of themselves that may not reflect reality. This discrepancy can lead to disappointment when the polished online persona doesn’t match up during real-life encounters.
The survey also revealed increasing skepticism among users, with 63% expressing concerns that their online matches might actually be chatbots. Leah Schrimpf, head of digital society at Bitkom, warns that certain behaviors could indicate a scam bot. These include rapid replies at all hours, vague responses, or unsolicited requests for private information.
To detect AI-generated messages, users can paste the text into tools like ChatGPT and ask if it appears machine-written. Another effective strategy is to ask personal and specific questions. Bots often struggle to answer these and may evade them. Additionally, bringing up previous conversations or introducing absurd questions can reveal robotic patterns.
“If you notice language that is flawless or overly polished and lacks conversational tones, you should also use caution,” Schrimpf advises.
AI as a Confidence Booster for Shy Users
Despite the risks, AI isn’t entirely negative. For shy users, it can provide a confidence boost. “If you’re very shy and looking for a good introduction or a charming answer, you can get help from an AI,” Schultner explains. However, she cautions against relying on it too heavily. “If you couldn’t come up with the response on your own, it’s probably not authentic.”
Even small tasks like correcting spelling mistakes can backfire. A perfectly written message followed by a clumsy, typo-filled conversation on another platform could cause someone to lose interest. “That’s a deal-breaker for many,” Schultner says.
While AI is already used in the background of dating apps for matching users, filtering inappropriate content, or suggesting quick replies like “yes,” “no,” or “thanks,” it is not typically used for complex answers.
Moving Offline for Real Connections
Experts advise moving offline as soon as possible when building relationships through dating apps. According to Schultner, if you want to ensure authenticity, it’s best to use the dating app only as the initial meeting place. “It’s better to get to know each other for the first time over coffee,” she suggests.
Most users agree with this approach. The Bitkom survey found that more than three-quarters (78%) of respondents would prefer a classic acquaintance and prefer getting to know someone in real life. This preference underscores the importance of genuine, face-to-face interactions in building meaningful connections.
